Steve and I

Thank you for your lovely comments on my last entry. It is good to be back and I am getting back on track with my weightloss too. Today I have tracked and planned all my food and I am hoping that I'll find some energy and inspiration to go the gym after work tonight.

I have had another fantastic weekend, most of it spent with Steve. I caught the train straight to him after work on Friday (he lives near Bognor Regis) and stayed the night then on Saturday we just relaxed before coming back to Southampton and going to a friends party. He met lots of my friends on Saturday evening which was really nice and it was lovely that they just accepted him and he fitted in straight away. Then on Sunday we just nursed our hangovers before he went home mid afternoon as it was his nan's birthday.

I don't mind telling you all (and Steve if you are reading this) that I love him loads. I am very very very happy at the moment and he has captured my heart in such a big way. I can't imagine life without him at the moment and I hope I never do. We have so much in common and I am so glad I have a man who I can cuddle up to at night and actually sleep in his arms because that is my favourite thing in the world.

I've posted some pics of us at my friends party on Saturday night. I hope you like them. I realised when I saw them just how much he does really love me. You only have to look at the way he is looking at me etc to see that and it's the best feeling in the world ever.

Vicky xxx

Update

Hi everyone,

You have probably noticed that a lot of my posts from this year have been deleted. Please do not worry, there is no other reason for this than I don't want them here anymore for various reasons which I am about to share with you all.

As this blog is about my weightloss I bring you news on that first. I put a few pounds on with everything going on in my life but I've had a couple of good losses and am back on track now although still struggling. However, I realised a long time ago that I am much happier with myself these days and that the weight will come off one day so I don't worry about it that much anymore.

So, the reasons for deleting my posts then. Well, I've realised what an idiot I made of myself and what an idiot certain people made of me. My life was not a good place with Mikey passing away and struggling with WW and then I admit that Alan came along and hurt me at a time when I could not deal with it. I don't want to go into details of what happened with him but I used it as an excuse to go off the rails a bit and then I gave myself a bit of a talking too and pulled it back.

I'd also like to tell you I have a wonderful new man in my life. His name is Steve (hunni if you are reading this I love you spades - oh my god I'm learning to speak Steve already) and I won't bore you with all the details but 3 weeks and 3 days after we met I'm feeling things I never thought it was possible to feel and my heart does things it never did before.

Enough from me...I'll post again soon.

Vicky xxxx

Yesterday was...

My best day for a long long time. I needed to prove to myself that I can still do this and that is what I did. I did not snack, I drunk two litres of water, I stayed under points, hell I even managed to bank some and I had a walk as I walked to football (England under 21s played Ireland in Southampton). I'm feeling loads better for my good day and I am hoping today will be just as good.

I have been telling myself lately that this is too hard, that I can't do it, that I am hungry etc. Well they are just excuses and I am fed up of making excuses. I know I can do it and at the end of the day I either have two choices, success or failure. I can either put on weight (which I am capable of doing very quickly) or I can get to goal and feel so much better about myself. I know what I choose and it's not failure.

You see, I just needed to get tough with myself for a bit. I am glad I have

Vicky xx

Lent

Now I'm not overly religious but I am aware that tomorrow sees the start of Lent. I see this as a good time to give up something that is bad for me and has been causing me problems in my fight of the flag.

I've been struggling with snacks recently. I've been eating too many, i.e. too many packets of quavers, too many rich toffee bars, too many skinny cow ice creams etc. God it is no wonder I have put on weight (yes I had a sneak at the scales last night at meeting and it was not pleasant).

So from now until Easter not a snack is going to pass my lips. I will stick with breakfast, lunch and dinner and hope that makes a difference to me. I've got to stop making excuses and get on top of this.

I've also decided to try and give up alcohol but that could prove difficult...I really am going to try though.

Vicky xxx

I'm not weighing in this evening

To be honest, I have been bad this week and know that I'd have a big gain. For this reason, I am not weighing in this evening. I decided yesterday when I woke up today I would start again and that is exactly what I am going to do. I know I can do this so from today I am being really really and hope I can pull it back for next week.

I've been really struggling lately and I don't know why but I do know I need to rein it in as I really want to get to goal and I certainly do not want to put my weight back on again, ever!!! I think you'll be seeing me on 5+ again soon.

Vicky xx

My WI Result

I am totally gutted. I have been perfect this week. Done lots of exercise, drunk lots of water, eaten healthily and within points and guess what....

I STAYED THE SAME!!!

Not much more to say really. This is hard but I shall keep plodding along. It has to come off sooner or later doesn't it?

Vicky xxx

The Look

Tonight (Saturday) I went with my mother, stepfather and some friends to see a 70s glamrock style tribute band at our local club. If you read further down my blog you will see that I have seen them before and am a big fan of them. You can find out more on their website at www.lookglam.co.uk

My reasons for writing this entry are that I wore a dress this evening and it was the first time I had worn it. I brought it from Dorothy Perkins in the sales and was not sure if it suited me but judging by all the lovely comments I got this evening I must have looked ok. I've added a few of the pictures here. Please note, I was sober and did not have a drink all evening and yes I did take my shoes off to dance as I can dance better without heels on, weird I know but then I am weird.

Girls, I'll need some advice later so I'll post again soon.

Hope everyone is well.

Vicky xxx

Before and "so far" pictures

Someone asked for these to save people having to scroll through the endless rubbish on here so here they are. Enjoy.

Vicky xx

Move move move!!!

I've found my mojo. I'm loving exercise at the moment that even the thighs that are throbbing right now are worth it. They are not so bad to be fair in any case but I've decided no pain, no gain.

I want to tone up and have a nice figure so I've decided to concentrate on toning and cardio and to forget the fat burning for a bit. The fat burning will happen anyway through the exercise and if I do Weightwatchers properly. That means I've really cut down on the gym and have been going to lots of exercise classes which I really love. I even went to circuit training last night, for the first time since very late in November.

Tonight I am going out with a friend after work so no exercise for me but tomorrow I have the day off. Am hoping to go out in the evening but I am going to get up early, go for a run and then come home to do my exercise/dance dvd. I was going to go to the gym but a friend is coming round in the afternoon for a pc lesson so I have a busy day.

I've had some lovely comments on my blog lately which I thank you all for. I've recently told my friends and family about it as I'd kept it a bit of a secret before. You see, stupid as it sounds I'm embarrassed by how much I used to weigh and just want to be "normal" and do things that people my age do. I am certainly getting A LOT more sociable now than I used to be which is great and, despite a little setback with my confidence over Christmas, I've realised that I am a much more confident person. I've just got to convince myself of that. I'm getting there.

Vicky xxx

p.s. I've been practising walking in those high heels at home and at work. Not sure I can carry off the dancing in them next Saturday night but a promise is a promise so I'll give it a try.

WI Result

Lost 1.5lbs this week which I am happy with as again I was out eating and drinking on Thursday night and eating on Friday so it just proves I can be normal and lose weight. So, I now weigh exactly 12 stone and have lost 189lbs in total. I feel better now.

This week I am going to drop my points to what they would be at 11 stone 13 and hope that does the trick. I am desperate to get to goal and although I know it will take time, I am determined to help myself along the way.

I've booked in for quite a few classes this week. Today I did ab crunch and LBT which were both good. Not sure I will that way in the morning though. Tomorrow I am going to a Total NRG class and Wednesday I am going to Circuits. As I am also off on Friday and not going to Liverpool now I am going to go to the gym and to a Yoga class. I will also try and fit a session in at the gym on Saturday although I have a busy day so surely all this has to help in my quest.

Anyway, had my hair done today and everyone has commented on how nice it is so here are some pictures.

Hope everyone is well. You can safely say I am back to my old self again now and raring to go.

Vicky xx

Yoga and Pilates

I decided a few weeks ago that I need to get some flexibility and relaxation into my workouts so two weeks ago, Tash (my WW buddy) and I went to Pilates. Now, I never thought I would enjoy it for one moment but I loved it!!! I realised that I spent the whole time holding my stomach in so surely that has to be good for the abs etc doesn't it and I hurt the next day which I am also guessing is a good thing.

Well, fresh from my attempt at Pilates, this morning I went to a yoga class. I was very unsure of what to expect here but again it was great. I did not enjoy it as much as Pilates but it was still good and I have decided to make these classes a regular occurrence now. That means that on a Sunday morning I will be going to Yoga and Sunday evenings I will be going to Pilates. There is also a Pilates class on a Tuesday evening which I may at some stage consider going to but I may take Tuesdays off and keep going to circuit training on a Wednesday instead.

I am off work tomorrow so I am going to a couple of classes at the gym too. Core conditioning in the morning and LBT before WI! I must be mad but I feel the time has come to get that figure I so badly want. One day I might even do something about the little bit of excess skin I have but I'll let time, exercise, water and creams do its bit for now.

Vicky xxx

My WI result

I was really really dreading WI this evening as I had a curry and beer night on Thursday and went out for dinner again on Saturday (although I was good) and yet to my surprise I lost 0.5lbs!!! It all helps doesn't it? So I'm back to 187.5lbs lost in total and now I am 12 stone 1.5lbs and as motivated as ever to get back into those 11stones, get my 200lb certificate and get to goal!!! Hopefully next week I'll be back into those 11s at least.

At meeting this evening I took my "fat" trousers to show everyone. The said trousers are a size 30 and even they were too small for me. Now I am wearing size 14s and my head is finally beginning to catch up with my body. I've added a photo here for you to see.

After work today I went into town to have a browse before meeting Marie for our meeting. I brought a skirt and top and I am loving it. I am hoping that a nice young man will perhaps appreciate it and take me out but I doubt that so I'll enjoy wearing it and the confidence it gives me when I do. Would you like to see a picture? Oh ok then as it's you ;-)

Vicky xx

So much for my good week!

I had every good intention of being superb this week. Lots of exercise, lots of healthy eating, lots of staying within points and lots of water. All was going well until Thursday (apart from the exercise cos I had not done any) and then I went for dinner and to the cinema with a work colleague and an account customer of ours.

You know how these things work. I had decided I was going to have salad and drink diet coke but when I got there the vodka won. It was after a couple that we ordered dinner. Now, that was a mistake because it was also curry night where you get a curry and a drink for £6 something and as the two guys I was with decided "curry it was", so did I.

Now, I know on Weightwatchers you have to have treats etc now and again but I did not have the points for it. Then when I woke up on Friday morning I had a bad stomach and felt really guilty for what I had eaten. It really was not worth that feeling and now I really regret eating it.

Anyway, yesterday I made a big pot of vegetable soup which I had for lunch and will have today too. It is lovely. Last night I went out with Marie (leader) and her daughter Lucie to see PS I love you at the cinema. Before hand we went to a restaurant called Banana Wharf in Ocean Village for something to eat. I was very good and had king prawns with a salad, dressing on the side and only a couple of pieces of popcorn in the cinema. PS I love you was a great film and I would say that if you are thinking of going to see it, do!

So today, apart from the housework I need to do I am going to the gym and either to pilates or circuits. I have not decided which yet and after WI tomorrow night I am going to have a fantastic week and do lots of exercise. I really want to get back into those 11 stones and I really want to get to goal as soon as possible to make me feel good. It might not seem it to all of you but I really am struggling with this a bit at the moment.

Vicky xx

The next step to a new me...

is to find a new job. Don't get me wrong, I like my current job as operations supervisor for a very busy taxi company and am comfortable with it but probably a bit too comfortable if the truth be known.

The only real chance of promotion for me would be as operations manager as any other position will always be filled by a share holder or director. However, unfortunately my operations manager has just been made redundant as the position is no longer viable (mainly because us supervisors do such a good job). This means there is no scope for career progression at all and although I thought I'd work for Radio Taxi's forever, the time has come to start looking for another position, hopefully a managerial one.

I do actually have a job I am very interested in applying for but I don't want to jinx things by talking about it. Let's just say, you might have seen it "advertised!" However, I'm not going to put my eggs into one basket and I am sure I'll apply for several jobs before I find the one for me.

Before I lost weight I would never have had the confidence to apply for another position so thanks Weightwatchers, that is something else I am grateful for.

Vicky xx

My Post Christmas and New Year WI

Well it could have been a lot worse. Last Thursday I went to help Marie at her other meeting and when I sneakily had a look I had gained 6lbs!!! Ouch...Anyway, that made me determined and since then I have been perfect. Tonight I was 12 stone 2lbs which meant a gain of just 3lbs over the festive season which, considering how much I have eaten I can more than handle and I know I'll get back into those 11 stones in the next couple of weeeks. After all, I have targets to reach and 200lb certificates to get!!!

So this week I am doing it by the book. Wish me luck

Vicky xx

I feel fat!!!

How stupid is that? I've lost over 13 stone and I feel fat!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I can look in the mirror and see that I have lost loads and loads of weight and compared to how I looked 2 years ago I look great but I still look fat.

I've been feeling this way for a few weeks now and I think it is because I am more aware of my weight now. At 25 and a half stone I had lost all self respect and did not care what I looked like or what people thought of me but now I do. It is not helped that people keep saying to me "You look great" or "You don't need to lose anymore weight" or "you are not fat" or "don't go over the top" etc. Ok I know I can look great when I make an effort but I do need to lose more weight, I am still fat and I'll never go OTT!!!

I think I am also feeling this way because I know I have gained weight over Christmas and New Year and although I am now firmly back on the wagon I know how easy it would be to go back to old ways and I don't want to do that EVER, none of you reading this can ever let me do and nor can I. I hate that feeling.

So maybe feeling fat is a good thing because it keeps me in check and back on the wagon. I will beat this, I will I will I will!!!

Vicky xx

It's so cold!!!

I think I am going to go and live with the polar bears or penguins somewhere. Infact, the North pole sounds good right now. I could go sledging and clubbing (not that kind of clubbing you fool ;-) ) and live in an igloo. It can't be any colder than it is here!!! Of course I maybe exaggerating a bit but I've never been so cold as I have been recently.

I've always been a warm person and most of the time my body is still warm to the touch. However, I don't feel warm. I never thought about it before but I suppose when you consider I've lost 190lbs of far then I've lost one hell of a lot of padding and insulation that used to keep me warm.

So if this cold snap hits us like it is supposed to and temperatures do plummet I'll be the one with about 10 layers on. It's a good job I've brought some thick jumpers recently to wrap up in. Some thermals sound good too right now but hardly adds to my new look does it? Haha. At least my zippy hotwater bottle keeps me warm at night!!!

A year ago today...

I gave up smoking and I feel so much better for it.

Nothing else to say on that matter, just thought I would share

Vicky xx

I'm so glad Christmas and New Year is over

Putting it bluntly, Christmas was a bit shit this year. This was for various reasons but the main one being I worked 12 hours on both Christmas day and boxing day. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, it was my choice and it's pay day today so I'm going to meet a friend for lunch (like I need to eat food) and go shopping with the extra money but all work and no play gets a bit dull.

I had some cracking nights out in December. On New Years Eve I went out with some friends (an old school friend amongst others) to a casino. I went out on the town with my good drinking buddy Sarah (what a night that was, I don't even remember the names ;)), I had a few dates (least said sooner mended I think), I went out with Sam (from work and we drank doubles through a straw and got very drunk) and I met one of our taxi drivers for a few drinks and high antics. We also had our works Xmas party and I met the girls from school for lunch. However, Christmas was very quiet and I am feeling a bit deflated at the moment.

I just think it is a big work up and lots of stress just for a few hours. It's nice nice to catch up with friends and family but it always brings home the people you miss, like my dad who lives in Spain and my good friend Jo who died in the Summer. It was her kids first Christmas without her and that makes me sad, although Jo would hate anyone feeling sad. Bless her, may she forever rest in peace.

It's also an excuse to eat too much. Last year I managed to control this but I've not managed to this year. I am really trying to get back on track but finding it hard at the moment. Perhaps I'll have more success after Weigh In, talking of which that is where I am going now, to a WW meeting but not to WI, just to help.

Vicky xx

I've cracked this!

I really have. It's taken me a long long time to admit it but

I HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM!!!

Always have had, always will but that weight problem is under control and will stay that way forever.

You see, I've realised how much of life I've missed out on being fat. Despite how much people say they don't, they treat you differently and as much as that is a said state of affairs, this has affected my life so much. I don't want to go back to being that social outcast that everyone stares at because I'm so fat and it is for this reason that I know I'll never put weight back on (unless I ever have a baby of course), as well as knowing this this is my time and I much prefer me now to when I was fat.

The reason I know I've cracked this is that I can fall off the wagon now and yet manage to get back on it again. In the past, a bad day or week would mean I'd give up but why? I have no idea. However, I've realised that my weight problem does not have to and will not rule my life anymore. That is the big breakthrough I've needed for years and I'm going to grab every moment and take each and every opportunity that comes my way.

Vicky xx

What a year 2007 was, what will 2008 bring?

Where did that year go? It is amazing to think that this time last year I was sat feeling sorry for myself weighing 22 and a half stone and here I am a year later still here feeling sorry for myself....Ha ha not really I've not been happier and in a better place for years.

If someone had said to me this time last year that I'd be starting 2008 10.5 stone lighter than I'd started 2007 I would have had them committed. I never in a million years thought I'd come so far but I am so happy that I have.

I set myself 3 resolutions for 2007. To lose weight, to get fit and to give up smoking and I managed to keep these going for the whole of the year. Normally my resolutions last for 5 minutes.

My life has changed so much this year. I started it as this quiet, unconfident, shy person who was also very lonely because I hid away from friends and family as I was embarrassed at how big I'd become. Now, I'll talk to anyone. Infact it's difficult to shut me up. I've been making a real effort to catch up with old friends and it has been great. I've also starting dating again although I've not been as successful at that - a failed attempt at a relationship, a few (ok several) drunken kissed in a nightclub and a few dates hardly constitutes success does it? - I've had my fingers burnt and my confidence knocked a little on that just recently but I'm working on it.

My biggest goal for 2008 is to get to goal. I hope to have a healthy BMI by the end of February and be at my personal goal by my birthday on 4th June. Other goals include to seriously take up running - I love the gym and it has been great for the fat burn but now I want to concentrate on fitness and toning so am going to start a running program as well as going to circuit training twice a week - , and to carry on being this nicer person with a "life" because I much more prefer the more outgoing confident me to the person I used to be.

Vicky xxx

Happy New Year to you all

This will hopefully be the first of many posts in 2008 so Happy New Year to all of you and I hope all your wished for 2008 are granted.

Vicky xx