I don't know why but something dawned on me regarding my weight loss and weight in general.
"You have only got yourself to blame!"
That is so true. When I was 16 I weighed 10 stone 8 lbs. When i was 20 I weighed around 12 stone. I had the perfect opportunity to get to goal and stay there but I didn't. The reason for this? Because I was greedy and wanted to eat. Well, I certainly ate that is for sure but I should have got back to plan instead of letting it get out of control until I got to the situation I am in now.
I can make all the excuses I want. I can blame my ex, I can blame working in a pub, I can blame my mum for cooking such lovely dinners but the truth of the matter is "It's my fault!"
I think finally realising and accepting that is what is spurring me on this time. I know I am in control of what I eat and how much I weigh. I know I am in control of my own life and this time I am SO going to win the battle with myself. That is not to say I don't need help along the way, because I do and nor is it to say I won't make mistakes again because I will but I am going to get to a weight I want to be and learn to love myself again.
That has already started. Yesterday I had two long walks, with a combined total of 5 miles and 12 weeks ago, when I started this I could not even have thought about walking that far. Even a walk to the bus stop seemed like a marathon.
I even thought of a song as I was walking and it is one I am going to remember in future...
"You've only got yourself to blame, no pain no gain!"
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